New Britain: Land Of The PC Yellow Belly

March 6, 2008 · Filed Under Politics · Comment 

It would never cross the minds of people who follow to the letter the utter nonsense which is the world of political correctness that what they are doing is both imposing a gratuitous censorship on other people and stoking a pressure-cooker of problems which will one day explode.

The head (master, mistress? - unknown) of a school has sent out an internet newsletter in which the faces of all the children have been covered with the bright yellow smiley face of the acid house drug culture, just in case any pervert might not be able to get hold of publicly available images of normal children going about their business in a normal, fully-clothed condition.

This person presumably has charge of educating these children. If they stay under his or her care, they are all likely to end up in mental asylums by the time they leave school.

See their bright yellow smiley faces here.

Read more here.

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Egg On Face Of Bunch Of Bankers

February 3, 2008 · Filed Under Business · Comment 

Bankers are very far from being the cleverest people on earth, but because they deal in money, rather than, say, vegetables, people think that they are very special. Special needs would be more accurate.

This is what one City banker said of his own trade: “[it is] always sensible to work on the assumption that banks are mad, they behave like lemmings, there is always something they all go and do that then explodes”.

This is David Freud, the chap who advises the government on stopping payments to benefits claimants.

He also said that banking was recently a “pioneering piratical industry where we made up the rules” and that the City is still “morally ambiguous because it’s so competitive”.

So, when bankers themselves cannot find a good word to say about their own trade, it is hardly surprising that Egg, owned by one of the biggest bankers of all, Citigroup, should make such a complete and utter hash of dumping its customers in an attempt to make up for its losses in the sub-prime mortgage market.

In The Guardian:

John McFall, chairman of the powerful Treasury Select Committee, said: ‘The motives of Egg need clear explanation if this a case of them ditching long-standing creditworthy customers because they make no money out of them. Perhaps this is an issue that requires an Office of Fair Trading investigation.’

Last October The Observer revealed how consumers with blameless credit ratings are being refused credit cards and consumer groups report that the practice is spreading.

Peter Thornton, a Liberal Democrat councillor in the Lake District, has been an Egg customer for over five years. He received a letter terminating his credit card on Friday. He said: ‘This is more than an amazing PR blunder. There’s a huge amount of people in my position. I’m on a lower interest rate because presumably they’ve assessed me as a good risk. Every business would benefit from losing 10 per cent of the least profitable customers, but the rest of us realise we can’t do that because it would be a PR disaster. They’re on the radio saying it’s just bad risk people they’re getting rid of. I feel slandered by that.’

Of course, banks and bankers are slightly higher on the social spectrum than MPs, but still way below common criminals, confidence tricksters and convicted grandmother-sellers.

According to the BBC News, Egg’s own statement is appropriately arrogant and stupid, as would befit a banker:

A spokesman for Egg said: “We are sorry some customers are upset after receiving notification we are ending their credit card arrangement, but they are people we do not feel it is appropriate to lend any money to.”

He added: “The decision was taken after an extensive one-off review of our credit card book following acquisition by Citigroup.”

“We can certainly understand the concerns, but even if people are up-to-date with repayments, they are people we decided we no longer wish to lend money to regardless of their status.”

The spokesperson for the British Bankers Association almost hits the nail on the head, if you convert what she says to what she actually means:

Angela Knight, chief executive of the British Bankers Association, said that Egg’s action was “a sensible way of looking after a business”.

“Whilst it is lovely to spend, it is the paying back that is always the difficulty. It might seem a bit hard to say to people ‘You do need to stop spending’ but it does actually make real sense so to do.”

If you read this as: “It is lovely when the banks are making loads of money on the backs of people when times are good, but as soon as things get harder for us, we will drop you like a stone” you will be nearer to the truth.

The BBC also kindly lists some customer comments about the actions of these not-so-clever bankers:

I too have just received one of these letters. I have had an Egg card for almost 8 years and have never missed a payment (like others here I usually pay off the balance if I have one) and have never gone over my limit and my credit rating is excellent. It seems to me that Egg are picking on those who are in control of their finances and therefore not paying them lots of interest. If they deem fit to remove my Egg card, I shall be removing my Egg Savings (which has a far larger balance than my Egg card!). I think this is disgraceful behaviour on their part.
Mary, Edinburgh

I received the letter yesterday. What angered me most was the suggestion that the decision may have been the result of some detrimental entry to my credit report, causing me to fear that I may have been the victim of identity theft. This put me to the needless expense of obtaining a copy of my credit report, which of course is fine. The letter from Egg consisted of a tissue of lies which were merely a smoke-screen for the real reason behind the decision which I suspect is that I don’t use the card enough. Why couldn’t they just be honest and say that - but then I suppose the two words “honest” and “banking” don’t sit well together these days do they!
Chris O’Shea, Woking, Surrey

Of course, nobody would expect the people at Egg or any others with banker-sized brains to remember the Northern Rock crisis of a few months ago and how a run on a bank caused it to collapse.

Bankers actually need customers more than customers need the so-called services of any individual bank.

It might not do Egg any harm if people started withdrawing their savings and writing to them telling them that you no longer wish to deposit your money with a bank which you find behaves in an untrustworthy way and may not be creditworthy anyway.

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Gordon “Macavity” Brown and McJob McQualifications

January 28, 2008 · Filed Under Politics · Comment 

There was a time (although the records have now been destroyed and nobody can remember anything about it) when qualifications in Britain meant something.

There was even an old joke - although this is from way back in the last millennium, in the shadows of time, when people were savages - that a degree from an American university was as good as worthless, because they taught idiotic things, like “hamburgerology”.

Then Gordon Brown (he of the mighty brain) steps onto the stage and a decree goes out to all the lands of New Britain: “Every man, woman and child of this proud nation must have at least one degree!” and the crowds shout “Hurrah!”

Then, of course, the government discovers that there is actually a reason why not everyone goes to Oxford or Cambridge and why, indeed, some people even fail to get a degree at all. They call it The Thick Factor and suddenly, all the celebrities, television personalities and politicians are explained: some people are just too thick to get a qualification.

But nobody could fail to get a McQualification! Hurrah!

Soon there will be candidates turning up at universities convinced that their ‘A’ level in Hamburgerology from McDonald’s will qualify them for a degree course in astrophysics. Even airlines and railway operators are getting on the bandwagon. You will soon be able to take a degree in announcing that the train/flight has been delayed due to leaves on the line or fog or industrial action.

The Guardian has this:

The prime minister has defended the accreditation of in-company qualifications after it was announced that staff at McDonald’s could gain the equivalent of an A-level in burger bar management.

The fast food giant, Network Rail and the airline Flybe are the first three companies to win government approval to become an exam board.

The Qualifications and Curriculum Authority has approved a pilot “basic shift manager” course, which will train staff in everything they need to run a McDonald’s outlet, from marketing to human resources and customer service skills.

Speaking on GMTV, Brown said: “You have got to do a pretty intensive course to get that qualification. It’s not that standards are going to fall. It’s going to be a tough course. Once you’ve got that qualification you can go anywhere.”

“Once you’ve got that qualification you can go anywhere.” Well, probably not quite. Downing Street is denying reports that the next cabinet reshuffle will only contain candidates who have passed the McQualification’s rigorous standards.

As for Gordon Brown himself, what are his qualifications?

And when the Foreign Office find a Treaty’s gone astray,
Or the Admiralty lose some plans and drawings by the way,
There may be a scrap of paper in the hall or on the stair -
But it’s useless to investigate - Mcavity’s not there!
And when the loss has been disclosed, the Secret Service say:
`It must have been Macavity!’ - but he’s a mile away.
You’ll be sure to find him resting, or a-licking of his thumbs,
Or engaged in doing complicated long-division sums.

Perhaps he can also take the credit, along with his predecessor, for making New Labour a synonym for idiotic.

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