Ancient Ming Force-Fed Food Additives To Hyperactivate

The ancient Chinese newsagent who heads the Liberal Democrats has been advised to eat and drink a lot of children’s food in the coming weeks in order to ensure that he appears hyperactive in case Gordon Brown calls a snap election.

The Independent has this:

The Liberal Democrat leader, Sir Menzies Campbell, has been told to make himself look “hyperactive” in the coming weeks in case there is a general election this autumn, a secret strategy memo leaked to The Independent on Sunday reveals.

The private memo for Sir Menzies and his senior lieutenants, written by Edward Davey MP, his chief of staff, advises him that he must not avoid confronting the issue of his age with voters and must stress his “experience” and his “judgement”.

It is thought that Sir Menzies “Ming the Merciless” Campbell has refused to wear a hoodie and “rap” his contributions at Prime Minister’s Questions, but has agreed to be fed unlimited quantities of artificially coloured fizzy drinks and processed foods laden with colours and preservatives in order to appear, if not hyperactive, at least alive.

A recent survey showed that 80 percent of the LibDems and 93 percent of the gene